HI

hi I haven't been here in so long so much stuff has happened um maybe I'll type up some stuff by I'm really tired it's like 4:40am and idk what I'm doing awake I mean it's not like anybody's going to read this anyway jesus christ
sometimes people say they want somewhere to write their feelings well ffs that shit happens but STILL I mean you do want SOMEBODY to read it because you're publishing it online y'know? you're just looking for somebody to listen to you but DAMN I don't want anybody to know about me, the monster that I am. yes monster, the manga was amazing but DAMN SON I feel like total crap. I read the message on the ipod y'know. I just don't know how to respond. I don't know what you're trying to say to me. I don't even know if I should respond, because of the new seeds in my life. It's a dangerous path I'm walking on huh. I don't want to lose what I have now, but knowing me, I'll probably end up throwing it away because I'm a fucking idiot. Meh.

I should let my feelings out sometime. I think Simon is probably the one person I can just talk to without fear of anything coming out. I like Simon. Such a great friend. uuuu simon. Kass better treat you right! You've gotta have tapped that ass, right?!

Well, I'm gotten into some great music. Suicidesheep is a legend. I've been listening to a lot of majesticcasual too. It's weird. I don't even know when I got into this music. It just... happened. I also still love jazz hop - bob42jh is a legend. Ah, I wish I knew where I was going with this post.

I've moved to the bed now. There's so much that I need to type yet there's nothing I have in mind. Clean slate?

I've been playing a lot of LoL recently. It started in october and now I've surpassed some of my mates. Of course there are still things that I'm not too good at- Wing is still the best out of us. I need to break out of this shell and improve myself. I need to soloq! Currently playing a lot of Ezreal, Nocturne, Nami and Nautilus. Nami is the best ever omg best mermaidddddd!!!!! But well the people I play with are sometimes just so shit it makes me wonder what I'm doing with my life ofc we all have bad games but we don't all have bad games 9/10 of the time like you omg stop feeding jesus christ.

Do I really want to talk about my love life? No. Now's not the time. When everything's out in the open, I will! I can talk about my past relationship though, and how it came to an end. Maybe I'll save that for next time?

Been helping at my aunt's garden for the past few saturdays. Hard labour does me some good. I actually enjoy working there a little as it gets me out and about out of the house and stuff. I got tanned for once! But that was from fishing. ANYWAY.

I've gradually overcome my insecurities. Now I can look in the mirror and smile at myself and think DAMN I'M ONE SEXY GUY and I know it's true. I AM good looking. Kinda. So... I don't get down about that any more. I'm not completely a new person- this side to me is normal and will always be here I think. It kinda disappeared when I was with Lily because I meant the world to her. But now it's back and I sort of hate it yet welcome it. It's a kick back into reality. I can lose things important to me if I'm not careful. Yet it's in my nature to push things/people away when I really want them. Self-destructive, huh?

Man, I'm tired. It's 5am. I may/may not have plans tomorrrow. Wednesday I'm probably chilling with Colin, and er, yeah. I wanna meet up with Ebrima sometime too.

A level results. A*AA. I'm so fucking disappointed in myself but right now my personality is so messed up I literally don't give a shit. I flopped all of my maths exams. I flopped physics too. Chemistry I did OK in. But seriously. I was capable of achieving A*A*A*A*. But no. I'm pathetic. Too lazy. You shouldn't be proud of me. Nobody should. I've been surpassed by people that I used to beat- because I got complacent and lazy. I couldn't give a shit any more. Towing doesn't feel as strongly about this- but he's got piano going for him too! But me? With those GCSE results? My A levels should've been way better. I'm a failure. I'm sorry. I'll concentrate in university - I hope.

Speaking of university. The girls. Oh my god. I hope I don't befriend too many qts. Honestly. I have to remain faithful. These past two years can't have been for nothing. Don't tempt me, women!
I used to think I was the type that could stick to one girl no matter what. I'm not so sure any more. Like, with Lily. I did love her but it never worked out in the end. Because of me. I guess I don't know myself as well as I thought I did. Still, I can remain faithful. It's not that hard. I just have to friendzone everyone ha ha ha... Wonder how the fatso will cope. Possesive much? I wonder what will happen///

Anyway, I've typed up a lot of crap and a lot has disappeared from my mind at the same time. I'll sleep. It was nice catching up, blogger.

SEEYA